STOP SAYING THAT!! It irritates me to no end when people look at you and say, I was divorced (with a stupid slow nod) like they can relate to me. Are you kidding?!!
When you got divorced were you unable to breathe when you realized that they were gone forever? I’m guessing not, because you could probably just run into them at Target or at the school program.
When you got divorced did you have the breathtaking visit to that wretched ominous funeral home, in complete shock because it smelled like the end of absolutely everything? Because it was literally the end…and everyone spoke in slow depressing tones?
When you got divorced did you stare at him and hold his hand and try to understand the most unimaginable thing that was literally right there in front of you…just gone?
When you got divorced did you sit your children down and have to explain to them that it was their parents last day? While they looked at you just a little bit confused?
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One more thing. When you got divorced did you cremate him or bury him? Did you experience that surreal trauma and soul crushing devastation?
When you got divorced did you struggle as you slowly adjusted to your home feeling differently, to donate some of his belongings? Or did he just pack up his stuff and move on?
Entirely Un-relatable
When you got divorced did a Chaplin put you in a small room and speak to you as if you didn’t know English? If you’re a Chaplin, stop doing this, just TALK! The worse has already happened! You’re just putting unnecessary emphasis on it…Not Helpful. Your curriculum should be updated to not do that….but I digress, no my dear divorced comrade, this did not happen to you.
When you got divorced were you also unable to come up with a custody arrangement? An arrangement to share parenting, whether you liked it or not? Let me know how that works with death exactly, since you can relate so well… You even possibly get a little break, albeit unfortunate, but you do. We widows don’t have that scenario, we don’t get a mommy break like we did when he was here… we’re on duty ALL THE TIME.
When you got divorced after you put the kids to bed, did you sit in the kitchen alone, in the loudest silence ever, just unsure of what to do? Or did you get on social media and cyber-stalk his life? His LIFE…because he still has his life…again, because it was a divorce, not a death.
The Answer Is No
The answer is NO!! For all of you that want to be compared to those of us who ACTUALLY experienced a death….NO! You haven’t done any of this.
None of the above happened to you. You can still see him. Your kids can still see him. Nightmares and the reality of Heaven do not enter your mind. Wanting to die to get through the loss faster has not entered your mind.
Do you have some semblance of grief? I’m sure you do. But the word grief does not make you our equivalent. Grieve your divorce, but recognize that you are in a club of your own. Why you’d want to relate to us who’ve actually lost our spouses, is just stupid.
Grieve your divorce, and stop trying to be us. We don’t even want to be us. And for those of you who’ve gotten divorced and feel compelled to explain the “why you do this” we don’t care. You owe us nothing other than respectfully ceasing to compare.
If I get married again one day, and then I get divorced, at that point, we can have a conversation. Until then, just say nothing.
HOW’S THAT FOR A WIDOW BIT OF HONESTY?