Being planted, secure, stable, grounded, safe. Those are just some of the things that I felt. Things that I had when I was married and raising my beautiful family. We felt like a perfectly smooth molded round ball. It felt complete. Finished. Some might say that you don’t need others to feel complete. Yes, I am my complete self, fearfully and wonderfully made. However, when you’ve become one with your spouse, it’s a different kind of completeness. It’s like a finishing touch. And then when you have a family together, there is no better feeling, no better experience. That was my experience at least. I do however recognize that not everyone’s life goes this way. Now what was once so ideal, is off, jagged and forever incomplete. I still do my best to keep the kids encouraged by reminding them that God is in the center of us and their dads arms are always around us.
BACK TO MY POINT
I, however am referring to the one who was my physical covering here on Earth. The one who had my back, the head of our household, my support and comfort, the one who helped manage our life as a family, the one who helped fix all the things, book all the trips, took me on date nights, the one who closed out the nights with me, the one who coached our sweet children and played with them, the one who I looked to when I was unsure…he always had a fix. The one who loved me, the one who I loved and our children loved. My covering, our covering. Suddenly and in an instant, he was gone. I was UN-TETHERED.
No matter where I was, I felt like I was just floating around like a kite that had been let go. Unsure of where I was headed. No-one to grab a hold of me to bring me to the safe place. Whenever I was afraid, unsure, or with doubt, I would look left and right for assurance and nobody was there to save me. Nobody was there to call to make sure the decision was right. And there my children were, looking at me with full confidence, because to them, as long as mom or dad were there, all was well. Only I was floundering.
And don’t say, call a friend, call a church member, call someone from your family. IT’S SIMPLY NOT THE SAME. When you’ve become un-tethered, you’re no longer someones 1st priority. Nobody comes in an instant like he did. It’s the loneliest, emptiest place ever.
JUST A WIDOW BIT LOST